The most dangerous drink is gin. You have to be really careful with that. You also have to be 45, female, and sitting on stairs. Because Gin isn’t really a drink, it is more of a mascara thinner. “Nobody likes my shoes! I made fifty fucking Vol-au-vents, and not one of you said, ‘Thank you,’” and my personal favorite, “Everybody, shut up, shut up! This song is all about me!”
I remember being endlessly entertained by the adventures of my toys. Some days they died repeated, violent deaths, other days they traveled to space or discussed my swim lessons and how I absolutely should be allowed in the deep end of the pool, especially since I was such a talented doggy-paddler.
I didn’t understand why it was fun for me, it just was.
But as I grew older, it became harder and harder to access that expansive imaginary space that made my toys fun. I remember looking at them and feeling sort of frustrated and confused that things weren’t the same.
I played out all the same story lines that had been fun before, but the meaning had disappeared. Horse’s Big Space Adventure transformed into holding a plastic horse in the air, hoping it would somehow be enjoyable for me. Prehistoric Crazy-Bus Death Ride was just smashing a toy bus full of dinosaurs into the wall while feeling sort of bored and unfulfilled. I could no longer connect to my toys in a way that allowed me to participate in the experience.
Depression feels almost exactly like that, except about everything.
Eat a ghost chili pepper and then give him a blowjob to spice up your love life!
I will wear what I want.
I will get tattoos if I want.
I will wear makeup if I want.
I will dye my hair if I want.
I will pierce whatever I want.
I will shave what I want.
I will lose weight if I want.
I will gain weight if I want.
I will have sex if I want.
Stop telling me what to do with my body just because I’m a girl.
FUCK YOU MOM AND DAD YOU DON’T GET ME AT ALL.